I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize