What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
