dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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