Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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