Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
