Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
