I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
