we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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