just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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