It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
