I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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