Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
