there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
