Buhtt sex?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think my moral compass just broke
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
