She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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