His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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