Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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