So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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