Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
