There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
