just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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