Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
