And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize