like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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