Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
