I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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