The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
