Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
