Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
