There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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