cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
