omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
