Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
