As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
