South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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