he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
