So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
