Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
is wine microwaveable?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
