I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
