kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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