This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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