Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
