Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
