You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
