Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
