butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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