I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
