he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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