May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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