i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize