Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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