I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
