Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Floor bacon is actually really good
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
