Apparently you make a good broom.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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