i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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