we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
