even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize