Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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