my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
