a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
