1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
