Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
