wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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