i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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