Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
