you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
