is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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