dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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