i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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