It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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