ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
