Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
