At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
