2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
