the condom got lost in my hair
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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