I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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