i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the day after is always just damage control
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
